| “When I do demonstrations . . . the audience often asks why my partner always loses. I try to explain to them that falling doesn’t mean defeat, but their strong association of falling with defeat cannot easily be altered.” –Gaku Homma, in Aikido for Life |
The final dualism we will consider is the one between lead and follow. According to this distinction, one
person leads, and the other person follows. Often it is the man who leads and the woman who follows.
This can sometimes bring up political questions. Whether or not you have concerns over the gendered
nature of these roles, you may not look critically enough into the dichotomy to understand how it can
mislead you.
If a follower wants to follow well, she must understand that a good follower is followed. And if a leader
wants to lead with finesse, he must understand that a good leader is led. What leads the leader? First of
all, the gods of tango inspiration do. He should not do things that lack musicality and genuine feeling.
What else leads the leader? The room. If he is not led by what is going on around him, he will bump into
people all night long, and the dancing will not be enjoyable. The leader is also led by his own center. He
must never sacrifice his own integrity for the sake of some seemingly well-conceived “move.” Another
thing that leads the leader is the connection. If there is no connection, he has no way to communicate a
lead. This last notion helps us understand how the follower is followed. She sustains the vital connection
between them. She does this by maintaining an energetic presence that keeps the leader engaged in the
dance. Her presence inspires his every movement. Ideally, both of them are constantly open to
inspiration. In every dance, the follower has a choice of how to respond to the invitations of the leader,
and this influences subsequent invitations. And in tango, she can add embellishments to her movements
that further co-create the dance.
There are some troublesome mistakes we can make if we misunderstand leading and following. When the
leader tries to lead, he can forget that the follower must follow in her own way. He does not get to control
her every muscle fiber. He offers an opening of space, but it is up to her to decide how to fill that space.
She moves in accord with her own structure, her body type, the presence or absence of injury, and so on.
And she moves in accord with her own feeling of connection to the music and to her partner.
The job of the leader is the same as the job of the follower: to open to inspiration, to connect, to remain
peaceful and integrated, to listen, and to respond. The best lead adapts to its follower so well that she
feels like a dancer, no matter what her skill level. No one watching can tell how he accomplishes it. The
follower herself is not quite sure. She goes here, she goes there. It all seems so easy. Even the leader is
not quite sure how it happens. He moves here, he moves there. It all seems so easy. If he is not so good,
but his follower is, she makes him feel like a dancer, no matter what his skill level. Each one listens
wholly to the other and to the music. It is not enough for them to react. This will only ruin things. Instead,
they need to respond, genuinely, and with their Total Intelligence. This listening demands a dynamic and
meaningful connection between the partners.
We can cultivate our skill in daily life by continuing to inquire into this in every action. Every time we
move we can ask, “How is this like leading? How is this like following?” At every moment there are
things in life that lead us, and other things that follow. Intuitions, inspirations, consequences, temperatures,
surfaces, physical laws, accidents, and synchronicities. Who is a leader? Who is a follower? No one and
everyone. It doesn’t change when we enter into a social dance. Especially if we dance artfully. When
both dancers are inspired, no one can take credit. The dance happens all by itself.
person leads, and the other person follows. Often it is the man who leads and the woman who follows.
This can sometimes bring up political questions. Whether or not you have concerns over the gendered
nature of these roles, you may not look critically enough into the dichotomy to understand how it can
mislead you.
If a follower wants to follow well, she must understand that a good follower is followed. And if a leader
wants to lead with finesse, he must understand that a good leader is led. What leads the leader? First of
all, the gods of tango inspiration do. He should not do things that lack musicality and genuine feeling.
What else leads the leader? The room. If he is not led by what is going on around him, he will bump into
people all night long, and the dancing will not be enjoyable. The leader is also led by his own center. He
must never sacrifice his own integrity for the sake of some seemingly well-conceived “move.” Another
thing that leads the leader is the connection. If there is no connection, he has no way to communicate a
lead. This last notion helps us understand how the follower is followed. She sustains the vital connection
between them. She does this by maintaining an energetic presence that keeps the leader engaged in the
dance. Her presence inspires his every movement. Ideally, both of them are constantly open to
inspiration. In every dance, the follower has a choice of how to respond to the invitations of the leader,
and this influences subsequent invitations. And in tango, she can add embellishments to her movements
that further co-create the dance.
There are some troublesome mistakes we can make if we misunderstand leading and following. When the
leader tries to lead, he can forget that the follower must follow in her own way. He does not get to control
her every muscle fiber. He offers an opening of space, but it is up to her to decide how to fill that space.
She moves in accord with her own structure, her body type, the presence or absence of injury, and so on.
And she moves in accord with her own feeling of connection to the music and to her partner.
The job of the leader is the same as the job of the follower: to open to inspiration, to connect, to remain
peaceful and integrated, to listen, and to respond. The best lead adapts to its follower so well that she
feels like a dancer, no matter what her skill level. No one watching can tell how he accomplishes it. The
follower herself is not quite sure. She goes here, she goes there. It all seems so easy. Even the leader is
not quite sure how it happens. He moves here, he moves there. It all seems so easy. If he is not so good,
but his follower is, she makes him feel like a dancer, no matter what his skill level. Each one listens
wholly to the other and to the music. It is not enough for them to react. This will only ruin things. Instead,
they need to respond, genuinely, and with their Total Intelligence. This listening demands a dynamic and
meaningful connection between the partners.
We can cultivate our skill in daily life by continuing to inquire into this in every action. Every time we
move we can ask, “How is this like leading? How is this like following?” At every moment there are
things in life that lead us, and other things that follow. Intuitions, inspirations, consequences, temperatures,
surfaces, physical laws, accidents, and synchronicities. Who is a leader? Who is a follower? No one and
everyone. It doesn’t change when we enter into a social dance. Especially if we dance artfully. When
both dancers are inspired, no one can take credit. The dance happens all by itself.
| Beginner's Mind Tango |
| Dangerous Dualities: Leading and Following |
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| By Nickolas Knightly |
| Nickolas Knightly Alexander Technique, Argentine Tango, and Sutainability Resources Based in San Francisco, CA and serving the Bay Area and beyond. |